


The Measurement Of Time

by BrownMouse



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Cancer, Comfort/Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, Niall-centric, OT5 Friendship, Sad, protective, sorry - Freeform, zianourry friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-02-23 15:30:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2552564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrownMouse/pseuds/BrownMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time is what we measure. Time is what we value. Time is what we live for... If only we could tell how much of it we have left...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Small inklings

**Author's Note:**

> This is it! My first work that is not a prompt.. This has been bugging me for a while and I had to start writing it. I'm sorry if you don't like this sort of stuff.. I know it's sensitive. I'm planning to make this into a story.. Chapters and sequels. Please let me know if you would like that! Xxx

Niall doesn't think much of it, the first time he finds an odd looking, discoloured bruise on his lower-back. It's just a bruise right? Everyone gets them.. It's no big deal. He winces at it every time he looks in the mirror and takes extreme care when fans hug him, but within a week it's gone, and it's like it was never there. 

He shrugs his shoulders and passes off the strange, recurring headaches and dizzy spells as just being tired.. It's part of touring right? Everyone's tired and probably everyone's got headaches, so he shouldn't complain, right? 

He smiles and pats the backs of his concerned bandmates when they ask him if he's feeling ok. He tells them he's just fine.. Maybe a little tired, but other than that, he's perfectly fine. Because he is? He is perfectly fine... Right? 

Right.  
Right.  
Right.

Until he's wrong... So wrong. 

Until the whole process repeats itself and Niall is back in square one.. Looking over his shoulder into the mirror and gaping at the dark, purple, hideous bruise that has stretched itself oddly around his side. 

"Liamm!!" Niall's shrill voice echoed through the hotel room, knocking the other four from their peaceful trance. Liam sighed and stood to his feet, wanting to get to Niall before he could yell inappropriately loud again. They all just wanted some quiet right now... They only had a day or two off before they were back on the road again. Unfortunately, as much as they loved Niall, it was extremely hard to get peace and quiet with him around. Liam made his way to the small bathroom, opposite the kitchen where Niall's voice had come from. 

The door was closed though, and Liam was sure he could hear small whimpers from behind it. He leant forward and placed his ear to the wood. "Nialler? Are you okay in there?" He asked, placing his hand to the door handle. Niall either didn't hear him or chose not to respond because he was met with silence... And silence was never a good sign when it came to Niall... Never quiet. Liam opened the door slowly and peered his head in to look around the dim room. Niall spun on his heel to face him and Liam immediately noticed the grimace set on his face. "What's wrong hun?" The older boy asked cautiously, stepping forward so he was now standing with Niall in the cramped space. "I have a bruise on my back! I don't know how it got there!" He said, facial expression showing his apparent confusion. Liam frowned and tugged Niall gently out of the bathroom. "Hm, let me have a look.. You probably just knocked yourself without realising babe.." He said, pulling Niall into the light of the kitchen. Niall hummed quietly in response as Liam turned him around so his back was on show. Liam's hands moved to the bottom of Niall's t-shirt and he slid the fabric up the boys back. "Niall! This looks painful! What happened!?" He gasped, running his fingers carefully over the discolouration in Niall's skin. It was hard to touch and Liam noticed a few more on Niall's arms as well. "I didn't do anything! Promise!! I just keep getting random bruises! It's so annoying!" He groaned, brushing Liam's hands away. The older boy let the shirt fall back down and he turned Niall to face him. "You keep getting them babe?" He asked, and you could see another frown seeping into his features. Niall just nodded. "They keep coming and going and I swear I haven't even fallen over! Why is that Li?" Liam looked at Niall, studied him for a second... His face was becoming a little gaunt and he definitely seemed paler these days and smaller.. Definitely smaller. Liam then placed his hand to the boys forehead. "You feeling ok Ni? You don't look so good.." He said, noting that Niall was a little hot. Niall looked down and shrugged, he just had one of those headaches that had become regular and he felt a little dizzy I guess. Liam's frown deepened when Niall didn't answer.. Silence once again. "Not feeling well hmm?" He commented quietly, placing his hand back to Niall's forehead, then brushing back the hair from the boys head. "I might take you to the Doctor tomorrow hun.. Just a check up ok?" Niall, looked up, eyes wide and worried. "Why? I don't want to!" He yelped and Liam shushed him with a squeeze of the shoulder. "It'll be okay! We should just get those bruises checked ok? It'll probably be nothing! Quick, in and out yeah?" Liam assured him and Niall seemed to calm down slightly. "Okayy." He agreed, sighing with dramatics. Liam smiled at Niall and ruffled his blonde hair. "It'll be fine honey... C'mon, let's go watch tv." 

And they did. They all watched a movie until Niall fell asleep on Liam's  
shoulder half way through and had to be taken to bed at 7:00pm. Niall never went to bed that early.  
Niall... was definitely not Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the first chapter.. Niall seeks the help of Liam in this chapter.. But this is Zianourry (Friendship) It's just this chapter was 'Niam' focused. I already have written the next chapter.. Just need to see that people are reading:)  
> X


	2. What is this reality?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall was never one to worry. Never one to question himself or others for that matter. But this all seems to be moving downhill very quickly...  
> Don't you think? Or maybe he's just being silly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these chapters are short.. But I'm really just waiting to see if people are reading and liking so I know if I should continue with this. Anyway, have a read! Comment, leave kudos if you like.. All that jazz:) X

Niall didn't sleep well that night. He woke up drowning in sweat and covered in goosebumps a few times, and had to stumble out of bed to get a damp cloth at one point. The morning came far too quickly for his liking and the sound of someone tapping lightly on his door almost gave him an instant headache. "Niall? Time to hop up now love..." A gentle voice drifted through his room and Niall didn't know which of the boys it belonged to. He grunted in disapproval and curled up into himself some more, the damp cloth hanging loosely on his forehead. "Niall babe?" Another voice this time.. although he still couldn't differentiate between the two. There was a brief silence, where Niall suspected he was supposed to answer, but he didn't. He didn't feel like answering. After a moment, someone at the door huffed out a sigh and Niall could hear them approaching the bed. "C'mon... Up you get." Liam spoke.. Liam.. It was definitely Liam. The bed dipped beside Niall's head as his older friend sat down. "Were you hot last night babe?" He questioned, once noticing the crinkled washer stuck to Nialls forehead. Yes, he was hot, Niall wanted to say. He was so hot and so cold at the same time and it was bloody horrible. But all he could manage was a slight nod of the head and a small whine as he opened his eyes to peer up at his bandmate. Liam was frowning again, and then he was feeling Niall's forehead... and then his cheeks... and then his neck... and Liam's frown didn't let up... It only deepened. "He's burning up.." The older boy said, and he wasn't talking to Niall anymore, Niall had closed his eyes again. Zayn had been standing at the door and was now approaching the other two at the bed. "Just see what the Doctor says.. It's probably just the flu Li.." He whispered, as to not disturb Niall. Liam hummed in response and worked at getting Niall up. "C'mon Ni.. We gotta go now.. We have an appointment ok?" He said, trying to heave Niall to his feet. It took some effort, but they eventually got him to get up and get dressed, before rushing out the door so they wouldn't be late for their appointment. 

"Niall Horan?" The well-manicured lady behind the desk called out, signalling that it was now Niall's turn to see a Doctor. Niall stood up and looked around the small office they were in. There were only a few others, all of them being elderly people who probably didn't even recognise who they were.. which was definitely for the best. This wasn't his regular Doctor, but they were still too far from London to go back there for a simple appointment. Both Liam and Niall made their way through the hallway and down to a door on their left. A middle-aged looking man in a dress shirt and tie welcomed them in and told Niall to sit on the exam bed. Liam spoke more than Niall did, telling the Doctor about all his observations over the past few weeks. How he'd noticed Niall had been losing weight without trying, how he'd become paler and smaller, how he'd seemed a little distant from everyone, how he'd began finding unexplained bruises on his body and a few more things that Niall was shocked Liam had picked up on.. and then finally Liam told him about the fever that kept Niall awake last night. The Doctor seemed to listen, he didn't speak a lot, but he hummed in acknowledgment and nodded his head quite frequently. After Niall had been poked and prodded and jabbed and touched far more than he would've liked, the Doctor turned away to tap at his computer. Liam smiled softly at Niall, who was sitting on the bed, swaying his feet like a five year old waiting for the lollipop... Although Niall wouldn't want a lollipop... He was never very hungry anymore.

The Doctor had told them it wasn't the flu. The Doctor had admitted Niall to the Hospital and told them they would run some tests there. The Doctor had looked remorseful and sympathetic as he waved them goodbye. Niall was becoming worried. 

They were on their way home now. Back to London on the tour bus, and Niall was scheduled to have some tests done at the Hospital as soon as possible. It was seven at night as they travelled along the four lane highway. Niall was laying in his bed, curled under the covers with a raging headache once again. Louis had brought him a Panadol and some water and had sat with him for a while until he drifted to sleep. He woke up again a few hours later, around 10pm, sweating buckets and feeling light-headed and dizzy. He could hear the very faint voices of the boys in the front of the bus with a TV playing softly in the background. He rolled over to look around the small room. He hadn't even realised that Zayn was lying in the bed next to him, scrolling away at his phone. He suspected they'd probably been taking turns keeping an eye on him. "Z-Zaynn?" He whimpered out, attempting to prop himself onto his elbows. The older boy looked over instantly, setting his phone down and focusing his attention on Niall. "What's wrong honey? Do you want a washer?" He asked, already hopping up to fetch a damp cloth from the ensuite. Niall moaned and groaned in his bunk as he kicked off the blankets to try and get cool. Zayn was back beside him within no time and Niall felt an instant relief when there was a damp sensation placed on his forehead. He tried to thank Zayn, by moving his mouth, like one does when they want to talk, but all that came out was a small, pitiful cry as another hot-cold flush washed over his body. His skin flared up with goosebumps and he didn't even realise that he was shaking like a leaf. "It's okay, your gonna be okay, shhhh, it's alright.." Zayn was cooing to him, maybe because he was crying, he honestly hadn't even realised that either. Niall clutched blindly at Zayns arm, pulling himself up into a sitting position and desperately trying to hop out of bed. He was thirsty, he was so hot and he needed water damn it. "Niall. You need to lie back down.. Niall?" Zayn was calling, gently trying to coax him back to bed. Niall just cried a little more and pushed weakly in protest as he continued to stumble aimlessly towards the bathroom. His head was spinning after a few steps and he was seeing double of everything. "Niall!!" His name was still being called and there were a pair of hands on him, pulling him away from where he wanted to go and back to the bunk where he was drowning in covers and heat and sweat. "Niall!! Niall, listen to me! Can you hear me!? Niall baby!? No. No. Stay with me Ni!" The voice in the background was saying, quite frantically indeed, but a wave had washed over the blonde headed boy and Niall was swept under. The room was disappearing, swirling around him and water was filling his ears, his head, his lungs. 

The water he had wanted so badly, was suffocating him and as another wave crashed over his body, he couldn't handle it. Niall's eyes fell closed as he slipped out of consciousness, crumbling into Zayns arms. Drowning... sinking in his mind. Suffering in reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Niall and everyone else for that matter, is confused and worried as you probably gathered. I really enjoy setting the personality of each character and the relationships between them thoroughly.. So, I'm sorry it was a little Niam-centric again!! I'm just trying to show you the different relationships and also trying to incorporate their proper personalities (My real life perception of them) (With a little extra exaggeration here and there.) Hope it was okay!!! Thanks for reading! Comment/Kudos please!?... If you'd like;P  
> xx


	3. Why...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here's another chapter! Thanks you so much to whoever is reading this... Eternally grateful<3 How's everyone liking 'Four!?' Omg:)  
> XX

Beep... Beep...  
The buzz of the heart monitor was the only sound that could be heard. Beep... Beep...  
The only sound that gave them hope-  
Beep... Beep...  
-that Niall was still with them-  
Beep... Beep...  
-because right now... he may as well not of been. 

Harry had fled the room when they told them. Louis had stumbled into the small ensuite, claiming he felt sick. Zayn was drowning in his tears in the corner, while Liam tried to hold in his own, as he sat next to Niall, hands knotted together.  
A piece of their hearts had broken off... Torn off... Bleeding out, when the Doctor had told them... And the pain was excruciating and indescribable. That one word had flipped their worlds upside down. Leukaemia... Cancer... The Doctor had said, and now they wished they weren't alive. 

Niall was unconscious.. completely out of it, for another 6 hours after they'd arrived at the hospital. After they'd had a complete melt down when Zayn stumbled out of the bunk-room on their bus, holding up a deathly-pale Niall who seemed to have fainted. Paul had to calm them down, while he himself tried not to panic. They had rushed him to the nearest hospital and demanded emergency attention, which they immediately got, and no one was sure if that was due to the fact that they were world famous.. or the fact that Niall was turning blue. Either way, they didn't care, and they watched on with frantic eyes and aching hearts as their smallest friend was rushed away on a stretcher bed. 

Louis had emerged from the bathroom looking like hell after quite some time and went to sit next to Niall on the opposite side of Liam. Harry still wasn't back, but they knew better than to go after him right now.. He just needed to be alone.. They respected that. Liam's hand hadn't left Niall's, they were moulded together, so Liam didn't miss the twitch that flicked through the other boys wrist. Liam's gaze snapped up to look at Nialls face. His eyes were still closed but there was a small frown or grimace in his features, signalling that he was definitely stirring. Liam gasped in a mix of relief and remorse as he moved to run his hand over Nialls. "Niall, Niall, we're here baby.. Open your eyes.. That's it.. C'mon now.. You can do it Nialler.." He encouraged, but his voice broke at the end as a single tear rolled down his face. Zayn had rushed off to get a Doctor, but was by the bed now, holding Nialls other hand with Louis. The blonde boy had twitched and shifted a couple more times until finally, he made a small, whimper-like noise in the back of his throat and his blue eyes peered open very slightly. "Nialler, Niall can you hear me? That's it! Open your eyes as best you can ok?" Louis said, and they all watched as Niall came to little by little. He whimpered a few more times as he tried to get his mouth to work and he fought hard to open his eyes completely. It took a few moments, but eventually he was awake, taking in his surroundings and staring intently at his friends, who looked like right messes mind you. With their damp, tear-stained faces and their unkept hair, they looked like they'd missed a good night of sleep. "Wha's wrong wif you lot?" He croaked out and actually surprised himself when he formed the full sentence. There was an unpleasant silence as the other three stared down at him, and Niall frowned at their broken, completely shattered expressions. He looked around again and it only seemed to just sink in that he was lying in a hospital bed, hooked to a heart monitor and attached to a whole bunch of tubes and wires. Nialls frown deepened and the sound of the beeping in the background had increased its pace. "Wha's wrong? Wha happened??" He asked, expecting a simple answer straight away. But all he got was the same horrified expressions from the other three and Niall became a little more frantic as he watched Zayn turn away with a stifled sob, hands covering his face as if he was trying to keep the tears from coming. The other two had them silently rolling down their cheeks and Liam had moved his hand to stroke Nialls hair. "Tell me what's wrong!?" The Irish lad demanded, weakly attempting to swat Liam away. "Why am I in here!?" He yelped and the heart monitor was rising rapidly. "Niall, you need to calm down honey, everything's gonna be okay!" Liam soothed through his tears, it didn't seem to work and thankfully enough the Doctor entered the room with a Nurse by his side. "He's panicking! Can you help him? Please help him!" Zayn begged as the Doctor came closer. There were murmurs of voices around Niall but he couldn't quite understand what they were saying. He felt something sharp digging into his arm and he turned his head just in time to see a needle being retracted from his skin. It worked almost immediately.. The tranquilliser they had injected sent a wave of calm over Nialls body and mind, and he felt himself relax back into the bed as his heart rate slowed down to a normal pace. Liam was still cooing sweet nothings into his ear and stroking blonde hair from his forehead. Niall took a deep breath and his small frame stopped trembling. He wanted to sleep, he was so tired, his eyes were burning. Why was he so exhausted? Why was he here? They still hadn't told him! He tried to ask the Doctor then.. He looked at him with pleading eyes and asked what was wrong? What had happened? The man moved to stand beside Niall at the head of the bed while Liam moved back away reluctantly. "What's wrong with me?" Niall whimpered and you could see slight fear in his eyes. The Doctor let the silence drag on a little longer, before he opened his mouth to talk... And Niall wished he hadn't. 

Niall had been frozen at first. He didn't move an inch.. He just stared at the doctor for a good few minutes, because it wasn't true.. so there was no point in wrapping his head around it.. because it wasn't true. But somewhere deep down, Niall knew that people didn't lie about this sort of thing. And after a while, still nobody had cracked a smile and told him it was all a big joke.. No.. It was the opposite of that. Niall looked around the room. The Doctors sympathetic expression looked real.. it looked believable, and so did Zayns tears... Zayns tears... Zayn was crying.. Zayn never cries. That's when Niall broke down and the screams came, along with the thrashing of his small limbs and the throws of his weak fists. Someone was sobbing louder and harder and he could hear them being taken out of the room. His name was being called and there were hands on him, he knew those hands and he knew that voice, but his mind wasn't where it was supposed to be, so he screamed at them too.. He pushed and shoved and fought against them with all his small might. They had him in a lock now.. Niall couldn't get out of their strong grip, so he settled for his voice. The heart-broken wails that left his body were loud and vicious and absolutely terrifying to everyone else in the room. And as Nialls body started to give way- sending him to the cold, hard ground- there was a sudden stinging sensation in his left arm, a sedation, was what it was.. They had sedated him.. Taken his right to grieve this horrendous happening in his life and simply stuck a needle in his skin, like they couldn't care less, it was just easier for them if he'd go to sleep. How could he sleep now?  
How could he close his eyes and drift to a land of nothing?  
How would he ever overcome something like this? How was he sick with Leaukimia? Cancer.. He had Cancer.. People die from cancer. Why did it have to be him!? Why...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Niall just found out & this was so sad to write... Please, please comment and let me know if you are liking this! Kudos too is much appreciated! Thankyou loads! x


	4. The fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter & it's very different. It's not how the rest of the story will be written. It's more of an insight into the initial grieving process which takes place over quite a few days. Enjoy X.

Fear is what brings out the worst in someone... or it could be the best. Fear will show off your true colours, no matter how hard you fight it. When life gives you mountains to climb, how you climb them will definitely determine the outcome. How you deal with the fear, could change your life.. 

He's awake now. Although he's not really. He's just got his eyes opened.. and that doesn't mean anything anymore. He moves his hand and licks his lips. He turns his head and gazes out the window. He feels a single tear draw a line down his cheek.. but that doesn't mean he's awake.. he's not awake. Because there's two different forms of being 'awake'.. and he's only one of them. 

They tell him he has to stay in hospital for a couple more days, while they finish running some tests. After that, they transfer him to the hospital at home.. in London.. Niall has a feeling this is where he'll be staying for a while. His room is very nice - besides the fact that his bed is a reclining machine with a hundred and one wires tangled around it, and that there is a heart monitor sitting to his left and a drip bag hanging above his head - it's very nice indeed. He has a flat screen telly, a lovely view, everything is modern and clean and his room is very large.. it feels like he's in a hotel suite, but it smells like hospital.. like floor cleaner and hand-sanitiser and sick people.. old people, dying people.. Niall is none of that! And now he is. These thoughts consume his mind and soul as he grieves.. it lasts a few days.. about the same amount of time that it takes for the other boys to mourn, and Niall gets a good look at the others vulnerabilities. A very good look. 

Niall knows Liam cries, even if he tried to hide it for Niall's sake. He knows for a fact that Liam is quite an emotional person. Niall had pretended to be asleep a couple of times and he had felt Liam shrink away from his bed, going to sit with one of the others on the lounge. He had heard the very quiet whispering between them and then Liam was sniffling and hiccuping and someone was shushing and cooing. That happened a few times. But mostly, Liam tried to keep his tears for when he was alone at night. The rest of the time he clung to Niall.. sitting by his bed, walking with him to the cafeteria, bringing him food in hope he would eat it. All in all.. It wasn't that different to normal.. Liam was always like this with Niall.. but the pain was never there before.

Louis seems to be similar to Liam. He's always there when Niall wakes up, asking if he needs or wants anything, in hope that he actually does. Although Louis seems to be more in sink with what Niall's feeling at the moment, and sometimes he has to pull Liam away from Niall so he can sleep, or just gaze out the window in peace, or just cry by himself. Niall's thankful for that.. Louis has always had an incredible gift when it comes to understanding a situation, unlike Niall. Louis can sense when a setting is lighthearted or serious and he seems to shine in both. He can go from being a hilariously, witty loudmouth, to an intelligent, sensible person whenever he needs to be. Although Niall thinks that Louis prefers the first one. Niall looks up to Louis.. He never wants to see him cry. 

Zayn and Harry grieve in the same manner. They both seem to disappear from time to time, though only for a few hours it seems. Zayn cried a lot the first day, possibly all his tears have been shed, because Niall hasn't seen him cry since, or maybe that's why Zayn disappears all the time? He knows Liam is worried for him, because every time Zayn stands up with a far away look on his face, hand reaching into his back pocket for a cig, Liam frowns, deep and concerned and he looks like he wants to say something, but he never does. Perhaps he knows this is just how Zayn is taking it. 

Harry shows up at the most random times. Like in the middle of the night, he sneaks in to the hospital room and sleeps on the couch and he's still there when Niall wakes up the next morning. He watches TV with Niall and gives him a head rub, which is always a pretty pathetic attempt, but his intentions are good. Then he's gone. Don't know what to do.. but maybe it was something important, because Harry stayed out for quite a while one time. 

Niall thought a lot for those past few days. Of course, he did dwell in a depressed hole for part of it.. but as he comes to think back, most of his time was spent observing the boys. Maybe it was because he just couldn't stand the thought of them in pain and unfortunately, he was the one causing it. If the last few days had taught him anything beside the fact that he was sick, it was that he didn't want to spend a second of his shortening life without them. He wouldn't let the fear kill him before the cancer did. He would live what time he had left with the ones he loved most. His brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! I know it's short! But I didn't want to go into something else without starting a new chapter. This was just something I had to do. It shows you very clearly the personalities of the characters in the time of grieving and how Niall took it all in. The last paragraph is important..  
> Next chapter shortly:) Thankyou to my readers, if any! Please let me know what you think! XXX
> 
> PAY NO ATTENTION to that 'Note' below ↓ Its from chapter 1 and I don't know how to get rid of it! :)


	5. Choices change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Niam-fest!! I'm sorry! Tell me if you want more of another pairing! I'm just obsessed with Niam ;)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhmm, I'm sorryy!! D: I haven't updated for like a month and a half!! That's terrible of me! I'll be better, promise! New Years resolution ok? ;) 
> 
> This is a Niam chapter (so sorry.) It is angsty once again, hope you enjoy either way. XX

"Chemotherapy." The Doctor had said. Of course Niall wasn't surprised.. He knew that was the main form of treatment for his type of Cancer, but the word was just so scary in its self. It brought on a whole range of other thoughts with it, like; Needles, pain, vomiting, hair loss, sleep loss, blood loss... Just loss... Never gain. It seemed like a long shot and a hard road, and to be honest, Niall wasn't sure he wanted to walk down it. 

The conversation had started as Niall ate his breakfast. He was in his bed, picking away at some toast, Liam by his side encouraging him bite after bite. The Doctor, Doctor Harp, had come in hastily, carrying an armful of pages and a clipboard in the other, a nurse trailed behind him. "Hi Niall! How are we this morning!?" He said cheerily. Niall opened his mouth to reply but couldn't form the words in time, before the Doctor was speaking once again. "We have something of importance to discuss with you, is that okay?" The elder man continued, making his way to stand beside Liam. Niall just nodded and took another small bite of toast. What could they possibly tell him that was worse than what he'd heard just days ago. Nothing, he suspected. 

"There's a decision you need to make Niall. It's concerning your treatment." The man said, once again opening up his clipboard to read through the printed words covering pages and pages. Niall pulled a piece of his jam toast in half, picking it up with his fingers, then putting it back down as the Doctor explained something in grand medical talk, which Niall could never translate into his own vocabulary. He fiddled with his food and nodded his head until Dr. Harp was silent.. Niall looked up.. the mans eyes were trained on his expectantly, and the silence was awaiting his interruption. A question hung in the air.. A question for Niall, that he had missed. 

Niall stared blankly, completely unaware and tuned out until someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Niall? C'mon baby, focus for a sec alright? It's a simple question, just tell the Doctor you want the Chemo okay?" Liam was whispering beside him and that's all it took for Niall to snap out of his daydream. He stared at Liam for a moment longer as his mind identified what they were talking about. His treatment. Chemotherapy. His decision. The decision he had made over the past few days.. The toughest choice of his life.. The time had come.. Now he had to share which way he had leant. "C'mon Ni, just tell the Doctor alright?" Liam said again, a frown appearing on his face as he witnessed Niall's hesitation. Niall looked away from his older friend and back to the Doctor. "I... I don't want Chemo." He said, and Niall knew that he was telling Liam, not the Doctor. He knew that Doctor Harp already had suspicions of his decision, where as Liam was certain that Niall was going to have the treatment. 

It was silent for almost a full moment in the dimly lit room, and Niall almost breathed a sigh of relief, until Liam's sharp jolt of movement had him on edge once again. Liam had yanked his hand away from Niall's and his body had retreated slightly from the bed. "Niall!" He gasped, eyes blown wide and mouth agape. "This is no time to be mucking around!" He then turned to face the Doctor. "Niall's going to have the treatment, he's just being ridiculous." He said definitely, leaning over to have a look at the folder, as though making sure it noted Niall would have Chemo. Niall frowned and sat up quickly. "No! I'm not having Chemo Liam, that was my decision.." He finished, trying desperately to keep calm. Liam, however, was nearing frantic. He flipped around to face the younger lad once again. "Niall! Shush!!" He snapped, taking a step closer to him. "Your having the treatment, end of story, ok? That's whats happening." He spoke in a low voice.. Niall knew that tone all too well.. He'd heard it many times, and maybe on any other day it would've worked, but not today, not now. Niall screwed up his face and clenched his fists as he glared at Liam. "It's not your CHOICE!!" He screeched, and he surprised himself at how loud his voice was. He watched as Liam's expression changed from one of anger to one of pure agony. "Ni-all!" He gasped again, before re-approaching his side. "Niall you need to have the treatment babe! Don't you understand!? You have to have Chemo ok? This is your chance ok? Niall please! Your not thinking clearly!" He said, all in one breath and Niall could tell he was losing it, by the way his hands were shaking and his eyes going glassy. There was a silence that stretched for a few seconds, and Niall tried to clear his mind before speaking. "I... I'm sorry Liam.." Was all he choked out, for it was simply enough to imply his message. 

He watched as Liam's face paled and his eyes bulged in disbelief. The reality hit him like a tonne of bricks and he literally had the air knocked out of his lungs. Niall wasn't going to be treated. The blonde lad watched as Liam bent at the waist and there was suddenly brown hair resting on his chest. Liam's shoulders were trembling slightly and his frantic, whispered pleas were soon drowned out by the sound of his soft sobs. Liam cried into Niall's chest and Niall couldn't help but cry with him, face buried in his older brothers hair, he let the tears come.. along with the desperate apologies that he felt as though he owed. 

Tears hurts. They burn your eyes and pain your head. They stuff your nose so you cannot breathe and fog your vision so you cannot see. They blind and suffocate and drown you.. Yet they cleanse and mend your being at the same time. Niall lay in the bed, tucked safely into Liam's side. He was supposed to be asleep by now, but they had had an interruption. They were all cried out, Niall couldn't possibly shed another tear in this day. Neither could Liam. So I guess he wasn't afraid to say what was on his mind. "Why won't you take the treatment?" He whispered, fingers combing through the blonde locks in Niall's hair. Niall bit his lip, because this was a big question, and he had struggled to answer it himself at first.   
"Because as soon as I start... That's when I'll stop living Liam.." He whispered, and Liam pulled him closer. "I know your afraid of the side effects.. But the outcome is what we're looking at Ni.. Please give yourself this chance.. The chance to survive.. You've gotta give this a shot Nialler, I know you can do it.. Your so strong.. Your so brave.. You can beat this.. Please.." He whispered, pressing a light kiss to Niall's head. "Please.. Let me change your mind.. Please.." And if Niall said he couldn't have shed another tear that night, he was wrong. The pain in Liam's voice was so real and it was true, Niall had started to doubt his decision over these past few hours. If his loved ones were so distraught by this, why would he go against them? He just wanted them happy.. He just wanted them at peace. Liam's voice echoed in his mind.. 'Give yourself this chance.. Let me change your mind..'

"Okay.." He whispered, voice shaky and small. But it was there. Liam heard it. Niall said yes to his chance. "Okay.. I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Niall's easily influenced, especially by the ones he loves. So he's going to go through the Chemotherapy. I promise, there will be happy moments in this story haha;) Niam is my love! (I'm still Daddy Direction AF) Anyway, I'll put the others in next chapter ahahha! Oops :D
> 
> Hope you liked! & once again, sorry for taking too long to update, it will not happen next time! Promise:) Comment please? Maybe? If you'd like? hehe xx

**Author's Note:**

> So that's the first chapter.. Niall seeks the help of Liam in this chapter.. But this is Zianourry (Friendship) It's just this chapter was 'Niam' focused. I already have written the next chapter.. Just need to see that people are reading:)  
> X


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